replica.

 don't feed the wolves, they said,  •  but they are my thoughts and  
•  i don't really want to starve because i  •

  am already empty everywhere else •  and the complexion fades per day

This is a photographic replica of a human being, detached and dazed. These images are views and reflections, discreet and almost impossible for a human eye to see in real life. They're states of mind, and the feeling of unease, they're each other's compliments and they tell a story of a fight with our own thoughts and doings. The purpose of this series is simply to let you feel and assemble the scattered fragments.

These photographs were taken using thirty small, sharp mirrors, done over two days whilst the subjects were in a variety of moods (as I felt they shouldn't be fabricated and instead true to self) to portray a fictional story of a being, for lack of a better term, who finds themselves without control over their mind, thoughts, interactions. The poem is in five parts.

I: don't feed the wolves, they said, - 

talks about fuelling our self-destructive thoughts and how that shouldn't be done

II: but they are my thoughts and - 

they are a part of the person and their characteristics, so without them the person is incomplete

III: i don't really want to starve because i - 

talks about how it's impossible to cancel out something that is within ones head

IV: am already empty everywhere else - 

the feeling of confusion and disorientation that is so strong it makes one feel empty (of strong feelings)

V: and the complexion fades per day - 

the person feels all over the place whilst to others it is unnoticeable

five 'o.

The five images to start with. I like unevenness of having an image in the middle that does not have a pair. From the five photos above, I have only truly decided on the three middle ones. The two on each end are not necessarily the strongest ones so I'm still planning to review this before making a decision. 

The images tell a story within a poem, which I'm going to add as soon as the final photos are picked. Something I didn't really cover previously is just what I want from my series visually. Mind you, this might come across as rather artificial but I want to bring texture into my images through adding text with a pen (and maybe some paint). I realise this is risky because if I get something wrong, it's the print ruined, but perhaps quite stupidly that's what I want from the outcome. I want it to seem rough, like a note to myself. In the editing process for which I've used Lightroom I have played around with the tone curve and content of red, green and blue within the images, but most importantly I have added a small amount of grain.

Recently it's become an unusually controversial thing to add grain. Some say it's defying the whole point of it being digital. Some say it's overused, unnecessary, pointless. Some say it ruins the image.

And that's fair but the reason I add grain is because I am so sensitive to whether there is or isn't any. The grain reminds me of when I used to mix paint with spoons of sand to create a textured painting like Anselm Kiefer or Gerhard Richter. To me this digital grain is that little bit of sand, that small amount of dirt that makes the photo imperfect and flawed, and thereby touchable. This might just be me babbling nonsense but I am simply a fan of adding that pinch of texture.

And like I wanted to at the beginning, I have decided to crop the images in a different aspect ratio - 9:16. I still plan to mount them on a foam board, although I did initially consider using clips (this might be a useless excuse but all my lovely rode gold clips are packed away in the bottom box of the storage place where all my stuff is whilst in the process of moving.. so unless I can miraculously get a hold of them, it seems I'll have to stick with the good old board).

a mirror of our own.

I was very upset because I couldn't think of a journey my images could portray, nor did I know what I wanted to achieve. Apparently my first idea was discomfort and so I pushed myself to come up with a list of visual changes I could use in my work which was my first mistake because that's what got me stuck.

It was only after Avery told me to spend some time consuming art did I find something that I was actually excited to try. I had bought those little triangle mirrors at the very start of January because their shape really stood out in a music video by Garrett Borns but I pushed this idea away because I felt it wasn't good enough to create a journey. But soon enough I also found this photograph by Erik Johansson called Impact (2016) and suddenly I knew what I wanted to do. The photograph is surreal but warm, and it focuses on the man standing in the middle of the image but because there's so much going on in the image, it almost takes the attention away from him. That's what stood out for me.

As a starting point, I carried my little mirrors with me everywhere, waiting for the perfect moment to shoot. Because I had been stuck for so long, I was suggested to think of the written part before I tried to do the photographs but I found that as soon as I took the first image, the text started forming in my head and helped me find a narrative. After that, I found it easy to just keep going.

I had a lot of fun using the mirrors because, as I found out, there were a lot of different things I could do with them. One of the most fun is actually this image below. It was difficult to take because even the smallest movement would ruin the alignment of the lens info and the eye but it remains one of my favourites simply to me this was the point where I started enjoying what I was doing.

From there on out the series formed themselves and I was left with the difficult task of combining images and merging them with text, although thankfully I already knew what I wanted from them. My other favourite was the fact that without a camera - without getting very close to the mirrors and having the right depth of field, all that could be seen was the shape of mirrors and not the portraits of the people.

subliminal

ISO 400, 24mm lens, aperture f/5.0, shutter speed 1/8 sec

This is my final portraiture choice. I've titled it Subliminal as a reference to the idea behind it which is that this is a double portrait of a person I know and a stranger - the subconscious - through the reflection in the mirror that gives the viewer a different angle to look at the subject.

Personally this was my favourite photo from the shoot because of multiple reasons such as:

📷 contrasting colours, temperatures and brightness

🔅 eeriness and confusion within the setting - the flower set-up, an untold story

📷 looking into portrayal of oblivion - peaking through the door

🔅 attention on the subject's face through the torch light

📷 the different expressions on his and his reflection's faces
🔅 barely noticeable - blurriness of movement of a flower by the mirror

The only few things I'm not very happy with are parts of the actual location, such as the visible thermostat and ventilation in the door, as well as the heaviness of the curtains. These are things I couldn't necessarily change as they were all within the location. Perhaps the other thing is the angle the subject is leaning in, however I had difficulty finding a way to shine the light on his face without it ruining the bond between him and his reflection.