three contemplations.

the three contemplations:

the echo repeats itself
in the quiet ambience of the house,

don't feed the wolves, they said,

but they are my thoughts and

i don't really want to starve because i

am already empty everywhere else.

the complexion fades per day and that

is all you see, oh darling,

in life nothing is but complex shards

of sobs in a cold stranger's kitchen

and walking miles to go in circles.

i will smile for you,

and they will smile for me,

and we will all smile

and sip on that tea for the wolves.

For the past few weeks I felt what I could only describe as a photographer's block. I had so many ideas but none of them seemed good. I didn't want to create anything at all. I had an idea to ask people about what was the reason for when they last cried (hence previous edited photos with blue shapes) because I kept writing poems about sadness. Then I wanted close ups - to get really close and personal. I also wanted two people within an image and to get them into each other's spaces. 

But the reality is that I simply cannot create for the sake of creating. I know, I know, it's probably a silly thing to say. Surely as a photographer you learn to just create what you need to create.

Well.. I honestly don't think I can. I don't think I can create a deep, researched background for my photos before I take them. That was my issue this time around - I wanted to make something absolutely amazing, something I had previously never done. It's quite funny, really, because I didn't realise just how much I was forcing myself to do something I didn't really want to until Leah told me to stop and think before I just 'did things differently for the sake of doing something I don't usually do'. 

Truth is I'm quite an awful photographer. Sometimes I simply cannot create. Most of the time I hate what I make, and the rest of the time I don't even try because it upsets me so much.

And then other times it just clicks. Like with the photos above of Jack and Morgan on the stairs. It was 8am, and the fresh snow covered the ground. The house was quiet but everyone was beaming with excitement, despite our usual mood of anxiety and stress. 

Or the photo where I just dropped some mirrors on a table in a cafe and snapped a shot of Jack's reflection in them alongside a little bottle of milk. (I was too shy to ask the barista but I felt really happy and decided I want to take a collection of photos of coffee shop baristas)

Honestly I'm not too sure what I'm trying to say with all this except that I was very confused and frustrated, and now I'm not. In fact I realised I really liked the image of the mirrors because it sort of touched upon the idea of fragments of a person's face so I've decided to pursue this style.