pale summer

This summer was unique.

That's quite a cliché thing to say but I feel like it's the most honest thing I've ever told anybody. At nineteen and eight months I finally felt the wheels of adulthood start turning within me. It was with desperation that I attempted to cling onto the last few weeks of what I recognised as freedom, and that's what my summer project captured.

It wasn't much - just a few scribbles, some lines and doodles, a photograph or two. I saved the few bits that overwhelmed me with the feeling of inspiration but let it rest in my sketchbook whilst I put everything else on pause for the carefree enjoyment of my last weeks of being a teenager.

I am both head over heels in love and utterly petrified of growing up.

xii: the twelve photos that embody my memories

I am not a fan of presets, and yet I was amazed by this app on my phone. None of these photos have been edited by me manually - they are simply enhanced by the app. Furthermore, they are not individual photos at all.. They are stills from short videos I filmed through this app to capture what I believed were the best moments of my summer. I'm aware that these days digital quality seems to be what everybody's looking for, yet I can't help but be obsessed with grain and how it makes a photo more textured. 

These are the stills from my attempts of escape. Ever since June I have been in an anxious cycle of carefree thoughts that would eventually drag me back to the good old stressful panic every evening, be it jobs, money, adulthood or just creativity and where I can go from here. Perhaps rather stupidly I spent this summer trying to take my mind off these problems by distracting myself and going on different adventures - in a car around Latvia, a few train journeys, a flight to France.

The twelve photos I took for the summer project captured my wanders. An abandoned brewery in Cēsis, finally going back home, a day spent with the people who made me - me, petrichor in the air, a sweet tooth, a flower shop, inconveniently placed beauty, a gallery filled with inspiration, the happiness of a family, a drive into the storm, moving to our new home, my home.

a fact is a point of view

Perhaps the strangest stories are the ones that intertwine the sour reality of the characters and their bittersweet approach towards life. It's so pure and genuine, making it hard not to fall for the characters' charming personalities and feel empathetic when they act so lost.

If you hide from death, you hide from life.

It's those films that make you question what's real and what's fictional that really make a change. They leave an impact on your life, and that is exactly what My Name is Emily did to me. My chest was filled with smoky weight and all I've been wanting to do since watching it is pack a backpack and go somewhere I would never have thought of.

My Name is Emily (dir. Simon Fitzmaurice)

The only flaw I could see within the film was redeemed through character development, and even then it was more of a personal issue I had with Emily than anything else.

Sometimes it's the films that take an unexpected turn that truly speak to the audience. This film is certainly one of them. Without going into spoilers the best description I have for this film is that it's about a young girl whose past has distorted her view of the world and yet she is willing to go far out of her comfort zone as she has nothing to lose and a whole range of lessons to learn.